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I propose the following exercise to show you how we internalize these non-verbal signs and use it in everyday life.
Apply your body language skills, and try to identify the host from the guests in the male group of friends in this funny and popular Heineken Commercial.
Were you able to? Leave me your comments!
What does he do different than the rest that even when he does not say anything, you know he is the owner of that closet?
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Shoulders Is Where Sensitivity Lies
Our shoulders are a good spot to look for non verbal cues. They are very flexible and visible and they are moved by an emotionally sensitive muscle (the upper trapezius) which makes them highly sensitive.
Whether we dress them or leave them naked, or even the way we dress them will convey different meanings.
Because they are different from feminine shoulders, the display of shoulders in men, robust and thicker, may be motivated by male competition or the desire to appear masculine especially in courtship.
Women may display their shoulder’s slenderness with the same courtship intentions, as a sign of their feminine attributes.
Both men and women unconsciously square our shoulders conveying dominance when we stand tall in an aggressive and dominant attitude. We are preparing for an “attack” and we want to appear stronger and bigger.
As we often carry tension in our shoulders, if we want to make sure if a person is relaxed or tense, we should pay attention to his shoulders: someone who is truly relaxed will have their shoulders held low.
Another important interpretation of the shoulder position is during conversation. In order to tell is someone is really interested or involved in the dialogue taking place, look at his shoulders. If they are facing the interlocutor, then he is focused in the conversation. If, instead, the shoulders are turning away in a different direction, that probably means he wants to leave and his attention is on something else.
Finally there is the typical shoulder-shrug position. It commonly shows helplessness, resignation and or uncertainty. However, in a courtship context it may be used to suggest harmless intent, submission and friendliness in order to build rapport and invite physical approach.
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Why do we like to have lunch together?
If you are at work and in the early stages of courtship, lunch is a good way to go.
Scientists support the idea that in courtship scenarios getting together over a meal is a very good idea as it reduces our anxiety: our parasympathetic nervous system switches to rest-and-digest.
On the other hand, sharing lunch offers a great excuse for couples to sit together and have a light conversation while they are allowed to get a bit distracted by what they are eating. Eating together is less stressful than conversing without the shared focus of utensils, food, and drink.
Because lunch takes place during the day this provides a good venue for the early exchange of love signals providing a relaxed and calm environment.
Sharing lunch also makes us feel alike because we are “doing the same thing." When we share an activity with somebody our bond gets stronger and it contributes to building rapport. This is specially powerful in courtship. “Mimicking the postures and movements of others facilitates interaction and increases liking.” (Chartrand and Bargh 1999)
Office rituals inevitably involve eating and drinking together. Food consumption non verbally brings co-workers and staff closer together. It is a good team building activity.
Reference: The Nonverbal Dictionary of Gestures, signs & Body Language Cues, By David B. Givens, © 2002 (Spokane, Washington: Center for Nonverbal Studies Press)
People Unconsciously Adapt To Each Other's Voice Tones
It is widely known that when two people are conversing it is likely that they will copy each other´s body posture. This is the mirror effect. We mirror the other person in order to build rapport. We do this uncounsiously and it may denote that we like them (this not only applies to romantic love). This habit to mirror our interlocutor, also influences our tone of voice.
According to Kent State University researchers Stanford W. Gregory, Jr. and Stephen Webster, people unconsciously adapt to each other's voice tones (a phenomenon studied by students of "communication accommodation theory").
The manner in which we talk, rhythm, breathiness, hoarseness, or loudness may be affected by our speaking partner.
Out tone of voice reflects psychological arousal, emotion, and mood. It may also carry social information, as in a sarcastic, superior, or submissive manner of speaking.
In order to express dominance, we lower our tone: "The more threatened or aggressive an animal becomes, the lower and harsher its voice turns--thus, the bigger it seems" (Hopson 1980:83).
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Touching Can Be Powerful
Many studies have been conducted to establish different patterns and their meanings when it comes to touching.
Touching is highly powerful to human beings. Touch can express different emotions such as comfort, courtship, anger or can be used to establish personal rapport.
In fact, it is through touching that we first communicate with the world. Before we are even born, we can hear the heartbeat of our mother pounding agains us rhythmicly.
Touching Helps Us Develop Emotionally and Mentally
It is believed that our first tactile experiences are important in helping our mental and emotional developing. Children that have received less afection through touching have taken longer to learn to talk and walk.
Self-touching, on the other hand is often seen in anxious or tense settings. It may be a way of self conoslation by means of self-stimulation.
It is common to see an anxious kid sucking his thumb or playing with his hair. As adults, we learn to refreain ourseleves from openly touching us but still do it unconsciously in situations where we find ourselves tense or restless. We may also play with our hair or pretend we are rearraging our clothes. We may even be caressing a part of our body such as arms, legs or tammy. Instead of a caress, we may disguise it as “scratching”.
Reference: Mark L. Knapp, Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction.
He speaketh not; and yet there lies. A conversation in his eyes.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Hanging of the Crane
Good qualities that you should try to communicate through your body language at a job interview are: confidence, humor, interest, professionalism and friendliness. How do you do this?
Confidence: you should give a good and assertive handshake. Extend your arm confidently to your interview. Hold his/her hand firmly. Remember to smile and make eye contact at the same time. Walk confidently into and out of the room. Use your hands (do not overact this) while you are talking. This will communicate confidence and active demeanor.
Use a natural tone of voice. Speak clearly and slowly. This will also contribute to your overall confidence appearance.
Humor: you should smile from time to time. It is ok to make an appropriate joke if the opportunity arises. One that has worked for me in the past is, when asked “would your colleagues consider you an open minded person?” I replied “mmm I think we should ask them” and then I continue to respond seriously.
Interest: avoid yawning or looking away while you are being interviewed. Sit upright or lean forward a little. It is important that you feel comfortable in your posture. This will help you look relaxed and will make more your interviewer feel more at ease. Nod your head to show that you are paying attention and that you understand.
Bearing in mind all these tips, will help you perform better. Remember, you interviewee will be paying special attention to these details. Be prepared!
"Your face, my thane, is as a book where men may read strange matters."
- William Shakespeare, Macbeth, 1.5
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"Watch out for the man whose stomach doesn't move when he laughs."Read More »»